Loopie - Joop

Today is a Monday. Most mondays, i'm listless, mourning the end of the weekend, the start of many days of seeing people i don't really wanna see. Today however, it is different. Today is the 3rd day i'm on my own (with my doggie of cos). I'm looking forward to the end of today as it means that the 4th day will start pretty soon, followed by the 5th, 6th, and so on and so forth (i like this phrase, Fr Peter's fav phrase that i never fail to laugh at when he starts saying it, again and again and again) and it will be the 9th day very soon! hao-e will then come home! yippee! Chewy has been atrocious last night. think her fur is too thick and long. needs emergency grooming cos i found dried shit stuck on her fur near her anus last night?!?!?! no wonder she stank of shite the entire night. eeks! plus, her fur has been getting entangled. she was yelping and scratching me when i was trying to comb through the knots. my gosh, maybe we should shave all her fur off.

Went to a colleague's wedding dinner last night. She looked radiant and happy. Am really glad to see her in such good spirits, esp after a very trying time... I like this bunch of colleagues, they are such funny people, i could just die of laughter. i would really miss them if i were to leave. where in the world will you find gals of such quirky character? We have a "soft-porn" librarian, a wide-grinned xiao long nu, a kylie-madonna-wannabe, a wonder-woman, a very loud klutz, and two way cool gals who look and act like twins. increasingly feel thwarted by things around me. must get myself outta this mess. need to better myself. feeling stupider and stupider.

Had a hectic sorta day. ended it badly with a botched logistical arrangement. ah well, what to do, just another day here in this place, with my boxy laptop, pink cushion and bossanova music. i want to do well in my life, but what's "well"? who determines the benchmark for good and perfect? why do i always have to live by others' standards? what are my own? sometimes, i slip into this state of mind, where i'm on auto-pilot, drifting from proj to proj, never caring what i truly think of them, or deviating from the instructions i'm given, just so that things run more smoothly, and i leave work on time, reach home to feed chewy and watch some tele and then to bed. days pass so quickly when you are not thinking. But when you do wake up, you find yourself in a place you don't really want to be, doing something you don't find meaning in, meeting ppl you don't really want to meet, breathing when you don't wanna breathe, eating what you don't

Sometimes i wonder, what is God's grand plan? As a poor human who isn't able to picture things the next moment, much less in a few months/years time, why have you given me so many things to think and worry about? Why can't i be carefree, and not be laden with all these things swirling in my head. There's only so much a person can take at a time. Sometimes, i feel very blessed to have a roof over my head, a job to provide me with some cash, people who love and care for me. And sometimes, you throw darts and arrows around me to make me panic and anxious, and i would be at a loss at what to do! Exactly what's your grand plan??!?! I really wish you would share it with me so that i won't feel so lost and alone. You know my greatest fear in all my living years is loneliness. i want to be a good and i know how to be good. but the execution of the plan will be very ardous. and i'm not looking forward to it. in fact i dread it. cos i think i will be very sad. i'l

I'm at home today. recuperating after a week and a half's torture at work. need to recharge before i can stand another day of paper pushing... today's itinerary include a trip to the randy's to touch up my roots and change the colour entirely, then to the gym for a bout of cardio latino, and maybe a massage/body polish, if they have a slot available. won this voucher for a free body polish at amore, and its expiring soon. it should be a relaxing day, God willing.