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Forgive and Forget

it's been a long time since i've written anything of a serious nature. i try to keep this blog lighthearted but some things have been bugging me lately and i need to ventilate and detox myself. so please bear with me as i spurt and sputter some bad blood.

one, because of man A's negligence, my start date has been delayed till further notice. was rather upset about it, not because i was looking forward to what i thought i was about to do, but because once again, my plans have been thwarted by things and people beyond my control. i should have been able to start in july had hao-e's permanent work permit been granted right after his first temporary work permit lapsed. BUT, it didn't happen that way cos hao-e had to settle for a second temporary work permit as they tried to sort out his permanent one. now, with this delay, i'm not sure when i can begin contributing to the "save stella" fund.
[C was really cute today as i told her the amount that i needed for the fund. after the initial shock, she immediately said she could lend me some as long as i told her in advance. thanks babe, i'm very grateful for your offer, despite us only knowing each other for the last 6 months.]

that brings me to the second thing i'm not too happy about. man B posted some holiday pictures recently. wonder if he still remembers that we loaned him some money. it's not a huge amount, but i would think that if he could afford the long holiday, he should have enough cash and enough sense to settle his debts first, no? (at least that's how i was taught by my parents.) seriously, we don't mind him not returning the money if his financial situation is really tight. and i would have long forgotten the loan had i not been jolted by the number of beautiful pictures he posted, which set my mind churning on how he spent our money, blah blah... sigh. AND he's a good friend from way back... i don't think i would loan him anything else in future.

in both instances, i with my very small mind became upset with both man A and man B. i've been praying for God's help to forgive and forget, but it's been tough so far. sometimes it is entirely too difficult for someone who's innately short tempered (courtesy of the ong family gene) with an elephant memory to put aside my annoyance, forgive AND forget. i have to confess that up till this very moment, i still harbour a good degree of bad feelings (or should i say hatred?) for a certain person whom i was unlucky enough to meet during college. sigh.. there's still a long way to go for me on the stairway to heaven. (i'm currently on level B2 or B3 i think!)

i've also been psycho-ing myself to prepare for the worst. should that day come, i pray for courage and peace to accept whatever that is put in way by having faith that God only wants what's good for me. i shall count my blessings because no matter how many obstacles have been thrown my way, i have always been surrounded by great people who've helped me get through each trial.

Beek reminded me of our old school song that i find strangely comforting at this present moment. (i remember feeling rather awkward at the positiveness and sunnyness of the lyrics when we had to sing it every morning then. strange how age and life can change your perspective.) sharing it with everyone who wants "a ray of light", a simplistic and more positive slant on your surroundings and current predicament.

"glad that i live am i, that the sky is blue
glad for the country rain and the fall of dew
after the sun the rain, after the rain the sun
this is the way of life till the work be done.
all that we need to do be we low or high
is to see that we grow nearer the sky"

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