I'm alone at home today. Hao-e had to go to the office. Not that it's a bad thing, cos i do like some alone time, especially with a good book and the tele. haha.. more of the tele and less of the good book i guess. haven't bought a book since new york which is half a year back! hahahaha...
So there i was twiddling my fingers, thinking of what to do today.. should i bake some muffins for tomorrow's breakfast? should i go out for a jog? should i ...? blah blah blah it went on in my head. and what did i do today? hmm.... i procrastinated with the muffins, and the rain stopped me from going out... so i watched the tele. what else? but besides watching some 4 hours of taiwanese nonsensical entertainment shows, 2 movies of which i would highly recommend "Nanny Diaries" to those who would like to have a laugh and cry at the same time, and this new cantonese serial, i answered 2 messages on facebook, a few proper emails on gmail and flipped through an online wedding album of a friend and a semi-related (i think!) entry in an acquaintance's blog.
the wedding album was nice. as you all know, i have high hopes for wedding albums, cos one, they cost a bomb! (i've heard of couples who pay 5-7k for their album, i'm serious!) it was done by a rather popular photographer (very unlike the one at my wedding which came free with my bridal package, so i'm keeping my mouth shut on her photos as long the faces of everyone that should appear in the photos are in there and not cut off by trees, glare, poles, pillars etc.) Two, it's THE day where the bride has to appear beautiful cos she's most likely starved herself for 2 days, gymed for 6 months, plucked, waxed, filed, massaged, hairsprayed herself to P-E-R-F-E-C-T-I-O-N. If she's perfect, no one else should be any less. which totally explains the frayed nerves (from the low blood sugar), uncontrolled crying (from all the kneeling, those killer heels and the long train which keeps getting stepped on!!), and killer looks to the groom (for inviting the ex or some irritating relatives, something like that). but i totally digressed. the photos were nice. i didn't go wow wow wow. it was decent. but totally expected. sometimes, i look at my own photos and i have to say, they look so unprofessionally taken that they're kinda special you know? no arty-farty face in the corner and dramatic shading. no blurred out backgrounds. nothing fancy. just photo after photo of posed people. so old-school. none of that journalistic bull. haha. and to all those who are getting married soon and have not gotten yourself a photographer, trust me... just get your pre-wedding photo shoot done real nice. as for actual day, unless you want to make another photo album a la the pre-wedding shots, or else just get your best friends who can take decent shots to help you. no need for the pros. you won't look at the photos after you've developed them for and sent them off to your family and friends. but i know the brides ain't listening... so go on, spend your cash. i would get myself some diamonds with the few thousand dollars, but that's just me.
the blog entry i mentioned talked about the difference before and after the wedding and how puzzled the author was when most people's answers was simply "no difference leh". my view of that is simply, they haven't sat down to think about it, or they're still waiting to see if their "teething" problems will go away. for most people, even in today's context, the couple lives together officially after the wedding, whether it be ROM or the customary rites. before that, it's just short vacations, maybe a weekend over at each other's home. let me say this loud and clear - IT IS NOT EASY LIVING TOGETHER. you fight with siblings whom you grow up with, what's more your spouse who has been used to totally different ways? it is only when you live together and face each other day in day out, then you realise just who or in some extreme cases WHAT you've gotten legally entwined with. it could be little things like, household chores. ask me, the temporary housewife, i know about the household chores. back in sgp, we used to hire a cleaning lady every other weekend to clean up the house and do the ironing (i detest it, cos i usually end up scalding my beautiful fingers). here, we're on our own, or rather i'm on my own. little little things that hao-e does (or doesn't do) can irk me.
i do the laundry cos he is unofficially colour and fabric blind and cannot distinguish between delicate and cottons, blacks, whites and coloured. that's fine cos we are not in the washboard age, until you find the socks all rolled up in the laundry basket, and you have to physically pick up each stinky one and unroll it so that it gets a good chance of being cleaned and dried properly.
OR the habit of leaving empty hangers still hanging in the closet after he's taken the pants/shirt off the hangers.
OR the mugs that get left beside the computers, on the coffee table, beside the bed, on the kitchen counters and NEVER in the sink.
OR the pots, pans, plastic containers that aren't placed properly in the dish-drying rack so they never get dried.
OR the many many half-eatened cookie/biscuit packages left in the fridge cos he'd lost interest in them and is just waiting for them to grow mould and the maid (that's me) to dump them.
OR falling asleep in front of the TV leaving the lights on all night...
so many of these things, i can list them till the cows come home. everytime i lose it (read: my mind) he always apologises. but of course he doesn't really learn. other than take out the rubbish and do the dishes, i haven't managed to train him to do the rest right. sometimes i wonder whether he deliberately does things badly so that i will never expect him to do the laundry, or clean the loo, etc. then i stop myself, and remember he's not a cunning schemer. nope, this man that i chose to be partners with is exactly like this. i don't expect he will ever be able to do the laundry, but i hope one day he'll learn to unroll his own socks and maybe hand wash the soil off his soccer tees.
unless you've been cohabiting for some time before marriage, then there will definitely be differences before and after. don't ask the guy, ask the girl. the guys just have their chores transferred from their mums to their new wives. in time, men will probably lament that the nice, sweet-tempered ladies they've married have morphed into their naggy mums. but that's about it. the girls usually have a lot more negative things to say, not just because we're better at articulation but really because we realise his upbringing and the impact HIS mum has on his life is enormous. If you have a mum-in-law like mine who is a great cook and ultra efficient in the housework domain therefore never needing her son to help out with the chores and never restricts his life in anyway, then beware! you might have a problem of living up to his expectations and what he's been used to for over 20 years. i count my blessings that hao-e isn't a neat/cleanliness freak, so my problem ain't big. his problem is bigger cos i had a lot of restrictions growing up, and i expect him to live by my restrictions as well. if you're not as lucky as i am, and the husband still hasn't wizened up and volunteered to do some chores, i wish you the best of luck in working things out.
this post isn't a complaint post as in, i'm not complaining. i'm just sharing my views on the differences before and after marriage. that's just one of the potential differences i'd mentioned. there are many more who find it difficult after the wedding to fulfill their vows due to religious differences, lack of communication and intimacy. those i'm not at liberty to discuss cos i have no personal experience. i only hope my lighthearted ramblings can let you take comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone in thinking that men must be the silliest/most obnoxious/nonsensical creatures in the world. half of the world's population think so too.
talking about marriage, let's talk about divorce too. i heard that in singapore, 1 in 4 or 5 marriages break up. in US it's 1 in 2 or 3. trying to work through a difficult marriage should never be labelled as "hanging on" to a wrecked marriage. marriage is not an unchanging state. it's a relationship between 2 people and people can change, adjust and adapt. never forget why you fell in love with this person at first and always remind yourself to communicate and make time for each other. divorce isn't an option if you can work things out, no matter how easy it is now to get a divorce. it should never be an escape path or fire staircase that you run to everytime you have an argument. if you're not planning to roll in the dirt with it, please don't get married. just live together. today's society accepts domestic partnerships. don't jump into it thinking there's a way out. those vows are made to sound serious, cos they are supposed to be. don't take them lightly and insult their sanctity.
to this end, i would like to commend all couples who are rolling in the dirt and still working at it. you deserve respect for trying and i wish you best of luck in straightening things out. and to those couples who stayed together happily all these years, i wish you many more wonderful years to come!
So there i was twiddling my fingers, thinking of what to do today.. should i bake some muffins for tomorrow's breakfast? should i go out for a jog? should i ...? blah blah blah it went on in my head. and what did i do today? hmm.... i procrastinated with the muffins, and the rain stopped me from going out... so i watched the tele. what else? but besides watching some 4 hours of taiwanese nonsensical entertainment shows, 2 movies of which i would highly recommend "Nanny Diaries" to those who would like to have a laugh and cry at the same time, and this new cantonese serial, i answered 2 messages on facebook, a few proper emails on gmail and flipped through an online wedding album of a friend and a semi-related (i think!) entry in an acquaintance's blog.
the wedding album was nice. as you all know, i have high hopes for wedding albums, cos one, they cost a bomb! (i've heard of couples who pay 5-7k for their album, i'm serious!) it was done by a rather popular photographer (very unlike the one at my wedding which came free with my bridal package, so i'm keeping my mouth shut on her photos as long the faces of everyone that should appear in the photos are in there and not cut off by trees, glare, poles, pillars etc.) Two, it's THE day where the bride has to appear beautiful cos she's most likely starved herself for 2 days, gymed for 6 months, plucked, waxed, filed, massaged, hairsprayed herself to P-E-R-F-E-C-T-I-O-N. If she's perfect, no one else should be any less. which totally explains the frayed nerves (from the low blood sugar), uncontrolled crying (from all the kneeling, those killer heels and the long train which keeps getting stepped on!!), and killer looks to the groom (for inviting the ex or some irritating relatives, something like that). but i totally digressed. the photos were nice. i didn't go wow wow wow. it was decent. but totally expected. sometimes, i look at my own photos and i have to say, they look so unprofessionally taken that they're kinda special you know? no arty-farty face in the corner and dramatic shading. no blurred out backgrounds. nothing fancy. just photo after photo of posed people. so old-school. none of that journalistic bull. haha. and to all those who are getting married soon and have not gotten yourself a photographer, trust me... just get your pre-wedding photo shoot done real nice. as for actual day, unless you want to make another photo album a la the pre-wedding shots, or else just get your best friends who can take decent shots to help you. no need for the pros. you won't look at the photos after you've developed them for and sent them off to your family and friends. but i know the brides ain't listening... so go on, spend your cash. i would get myself some diamonds with the few thousand dollars, but that's just me.
the blog entry i mentioned talked about the difference before and after the wedding and how puzzled the author was when most people's answers was simply "no difference leh". my view of that is simply, they haven't sat down to think about it, or they're still waiting to see if their "teething" problems will go away. for most people, even in today's context, the couple lives together officially after the wedding, whether it be ROM or the customary rites. before that, it's just short vacations, maybe a weekend over at each other's home. let me say this loud and clear - IT IS NOT EASY LIVING TOGETHER. you fight with siblings whom you grow up with, what's more your spouse who has been used to totally different ways? it is only when you live together and face each other day in day out, then you realise just who or in some extreme cases WHAT you've gotten legally entwined with. it could be little things like, household chores. ask me, the temporary housewife, i know about the household chores. back in sgp, we used to hire a cleaning lady every other weekend to clean up the house and do the ironing (i detest it, cos i usually end up scalding my beautiful fingers). here, we're on our own, or rather i'm on my own. little little things that hao-e does (or doesn't do) can irk me.
i do the laundry cos he is unofficially colour and fabric blind and cannot distinguish between delicate and cottons, blacks, whites and coloured. that's fine cos we are not in the washboard age, until you find the socks all rolled up in the laundry basket, and you have to physically pick up each stinky one and unroll it so that it gets a good chance of being cleaned and dried properly.
OR the habit of leaving empty hangers still hanging in the closet after he's taken the pants/shirt off the hangers.
OR the mugs that get left beside the computers, on the coffee table, beside the bed, on the kitchen counters and NEVER in the sink.
OR the pots, pans, plastic containers that aren't placed properly in the dish-drying rack so they never get dried.
OR the many many half-eatened cookie/biscuit packages left in the fridge cos he'd lost interest in them and is just waiting for them to grow mould and the maid (that's me) to dump them.
OR falling asleep in front of the TV leaving the lights on all night...
so many of these things, i can list them till the cows come home. everytime i lose it (read: my mind) he always apologises. but of course he doesn't really learn. other than take out the rubbish and do the dishes, i haven't managed to train him to do the rest right. sometimes i wonder whether he deliberately does things badly so that i will never expect him to do the laundry, or clean the loo, etc. then i stop myself, and remember he's not a cunning schemer. nope, this man that i chose to be partners with is exactly like this. i don't expect he will ever be able to do the laundry, but i hope one day he'll learn to unroll his own socks and maybe hand wash the soil off his soccer tees.
unless you've been cohabiting for some time before marriage, then there will definitely be differences before and after. don't ask the guy, ask the girl. the guys just have their chores transferred from their mums to their new wives. in time, men will probably lament that the nice, sweet-tempered ladies they've married have morphed into their naggy mums. but that's about it. the girls usually have a lot more negative things to say, not just because we're better at articulation but really because we realise his upbringing and the impact HIS mum has on his life is enormous. If you have a mum-in-law like mine who is a great cook and ultra efficient in the housework domain therefore never needing her son to help out with the chores and never restricts his life in anyway, then beware! you might have a problem of living up to his expectations and what he's been used to for over 20 years. i count my blessings that hao-e isn't a neat/cleanliness freak, so my problem ain't big. his problem is bigger cos i had a lot of restrictions growing up, and i expect him to live by my restrictions as well. if you're not as lucky as i am, and the husband still hasn't wizened up and volunteered to do some chores, i wish you the best of luck in working things out.
this post isn't a complaint post as in, i'm not complaining. i'm just sharing my views on the differences before and after marriage. that's just one of the potential differences i'd mentioned. there are many more who find it difficult after the wedding to fulfill their vows due to religious differences, lack of communication and intimacy. those i'm not at liberty to discuss cos i have no personal experience. i only hope my lighthearted ramblings can let you take comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone in thinking that men must be the silliest/most obnoxious/nonsensical creatures in the world. half of the world's population think so too.
talking about marriage, let's talk about divorce too. i heard that in singapore, 1 in 4 or 5 marriages break up. in US it's 1 in 2 or 3. trying to work through a difficult marriage should never be labelled as "hanging on" to a wrecked marriage. marriage is not an unchanging state. it's a relationship between 2 people and people can change, adjust and adapt. never forget why you fell in love with this person at first and always remind yourself to communicate and make time for each other. divorce isn't an option if you can work things out, no matter how easy it is now to get a divorce. it should never be an escape path or fire staircase that you run to everytime you have an argument. if you're not planning to roll in the dirt with it, please don't get married. just live together. today's society accepts domestic partnerships. don't jump into it thinking there's a way out. those vows are made to sound serious, cos they are supposed to be. don't take them lightly and insult their sanctity.
to this end, i would like to commend all couples who are rolling in the dirt and still working at it. you deserve respect for trying and i wish you best of luck in straightening things out. and to those couples who stayed together happily all these years, i wish you many more wonderful years to come!
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