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Men's Rules

I saw this on a website (author is presumably male or assumes a male-ish role.. nowadays you never know.)

Men's Rules - We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

  • Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.
  • If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
  • Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  • Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
  • Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  • Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
  • Crying is blackmail.
  • Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    JUST SAY IT!
  • "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
  • Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
  • A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
  • Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
  • If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
  • You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
  • If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
  • Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
  • ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
    Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
  • If it itches down there, it will be scratched. We do that.
  • If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
  • If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
  • When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, REALLY.
  • Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
    Sex,
    Sport, or
    Cars
  • You have enough clothes.
  • You have too many shoes.
  • I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping

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