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I'm trying to be a religious blogger. not blog on religion of course, but to keep at it. perhaps the problem with me is my very short attention span. i always feel very sian after doing a certain thing for some time. i think i'm autistic or what's that syndrome where the kids are hyperactive and cannot sit still. i think i suffer from that. that's why, i've only managed to stay at one particular job for 1 year plus?? Yeah, i'm a job-hopper, even tho i'm in the same company. was at AT for 12 mths, and i have just passed the 1 year 5 mth mark for CD. If i go to overseas, it will be 1 year and 8 mth at CD. I've even told the company that i'm only willing to be posted there, i'm only willing to stay one year. freakishly coincidental. my mind frames each assignment in one year terms. i'm a freak. period.

What kinda reasons can i think of to go? Hao-e is leaving in about 2 mths time. sigh. so i have plenty of reason to go overseas myself. maybe it'll help me boost my otherwise lacklustre resume and get a consultancy firm to buy off my bond?!?! maybe after a year of hardship there, we'll have enough to break my bond ourselves. maybe after a year, my dog wouldn't recognise me. maybe i'll be able to speak fluent russian at the end (and forget all my mandarin). maybe i'll love it so much i'll stay for another year?!? and break my one-year nonsense. maybe i'll miss the current state of things that i'll die to come back before the year's up? Maybe it is better to stay here with all my friends and family and not think that i can live with the cold over there. brr......

I don't know. i will pray over it. see what God says. I told him once of the limit i've set. and the limit has been breached. i suppose it's his way of telling me, "hey, you want an answer, i've already provided you. go now!"

Very torn, very worn. Very tired, very sian. Very upset and very sad all at the same time. Doesn't sound like the tone of someone who's supposed to be planning for a wedding isit?

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