Laconic Wit

Check these out! Apparently, the Spartans' language was terse as their preoccupation was with their military might but they do have humour. (Remember the show "300"??) I actually thought that all the smart one-liners were invented but clearly i'm wrong. have a read...

• One famous example comes from the time of the invasion of Phillip II. With key Greek city-states in submission, he turned his attention to Sparta and sent a message: "If I win this war, you will be slaves forever." The Spartans sent back a one word reply: "If".
  
• A Spartan king wanted his hair prepared, so he turned to his barber and said, "Cut it." When he was asked how he wanted it done, he answered "Short."
• When the Persians sent envoys to the Spartans demanding the traditional symbol of surrender, an offering of soil and water, the Spartans threw them into a deep well, suggesting that upon their arrival at the bottom, they could "Dig it out for yourselves."
• Herodotus wrote that when before the Battle of Thermopylae, Dienekes the Spartan was told the Persian arrows would be so numerous as to blot out the sun. He responded with "So much the better, we shall fight in the shade."Today Dienekes's phrase is the motto of the Greek 20th Armored Division.
• When the Spartan King Leonidas was in charge of guarding the narrow mountain pass at Thermopylae with just 7000 Greek men in order to delay the invading Persian army, the Persian leader Xerxes offered to spare his men if they gave up their arms. King Leonidas replied "Molon Labe" (Greek "Μολών Λαβέ"), which translates to "Come and take them." This has been re-used by generals and politicians throughout history and repeated (in English) often in popular culture. It is today the emblem of the Greek 1st Army Corps.
• On the morning of the third and final day of the battle, Leonidas, knowing they were being surrounded, exhorted his men, "Eat well, for tonight we dine in Hades."
• When asked by a woman from Attica, "Why are you Spartan women the only ones who can rule men?" Gorgo replied, "Because we are also the only ones who give birth to men."
• Spartan mothers or wives gave a departing warrior his shield with the words: Συν ται η επι ται! or Ή ταν ή επί τας!, "With it or on it!", implying that he should return (victoriously) with his shield, or (his cremated body in an urn) upon it, but by no means after saving himself by throwing away his heavy shield and fleeing.
• When a hoplite described his comrade's brave death in battle, a Spartan woman commented: "Such a noble journey; shouldn't you have gone too?"
• Spartans normally fought with a short sword. When its size was mocked, the Spartan responded with, "It's long enough to reach the heart."
• When a Spartan complained to his mother that his sword was too short, she replied, "It would be long enough if you took a step forward."
• Upon being asked to come hear a person who could perfectly imitate a nightingale, a Spartan answered, "I have heard the nightingale itself."
• When asked what dowry she was giving her bridegroom, a poor Spartan girl said: "My father's common sense."
• After an Athenian accused Spartans of being ignorant, a Spartan agreed: "What you say is true. We have learned none of your evil ways."